If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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