i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
