hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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