I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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