Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
