The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
