Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
