I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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