I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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