How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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