she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
