i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
