That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
