Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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