I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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