I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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