There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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