I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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