I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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