the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
