Your face is a jimmy john
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
