wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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