I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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