I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
