Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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