I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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