dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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