Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.