There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team