dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico