I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
