You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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