they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
