I wish I could teleport
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i dont even know how to be here
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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