I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
