I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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