I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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