I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
