i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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