cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
