So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
