I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
