the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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