the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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