grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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