Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
