I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
