Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
