...so i touched it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
