chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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