I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
