If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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