I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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