Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
