She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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