Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
