i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
