Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
