hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
