my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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