just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
