meet me or not, i'm out of control
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
