I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
