He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
cat food counts as protein by the way
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
