The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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