Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
