I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
