i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
