exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
