you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
